Tuesday Tell All-Motherhood in all Honesty

I was 26 when I got married. I went to school at four different colleges, two of which were far away from my home. I served a mission in Brazil for a year and a half. I took a three week tour of Europe with a friend, and I taught 1st grade for four years before becoming a mother. Needless to say, I was pretty used to taking care of myself. For 26 years my focus was mostly directed to my own needs and desires. Not that this is a bad thing, it's just what happens when you're single.

My first-born, Kimball. Isn't he a cutie?

Ten months after I got married I became a mother. Oh how that changed my life, in ways that I never expected. I'd always known that I wanted to be a mom, I just never knew what was involved with being a mom. Instantly my focus turned from 100% on me to 100% on a new baby. Talk about a difficult transition. I loved Kimball as much as any new mother loves their firstborn, but it was a change I'm not sure I was ready for. When you're so used to serving your own needs first, it's hard to set those aside and give so much of yourself to someone else, even though you love them so much. I now realize there are other things I could have done to prepare for that, other ways I could have lived my life that would make the transition easier.


Since I quit teaching school my former principal has called me every summer offering me a job for the next year. And every summer I have really wanted to accept those job offers, but didn't because of my responsibility as a mother. I missed teaching dearly. The thought of having something else to do besides being a mom full time was very enticing to me.

I loved Kimball as a baby, and from what I've been told, he was an excellent baby. My mom told me that he was one of the best babies she'd seen. Of course, I didn't know any different. He still had his fussy moments, and he spit up all of the time. I remember thinking that motherhood would get easier if Kimball could just get to the next step: sleeping through the night, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, and talking. A few months after Kimball was born, we found out that both of my little sisters were pregnant. The thought of having children with them was too exciting, so when Kimball was six months old, we got pregnant with Sammy. Talk about crazy. Kimball was 15 months old when we had Sammy. He had barely started walking a month earlier. Kimball was still a great baby, but I now had another baby on my hands, and Sammy was not the baby that Kimball was. I didn't want to pay for formula, so I nursed Sammy for seven months, and those seven months were some of the hardest of my life. He was a much harder baby. I could tell from day one that his personality was very different from Kimball's. He was more needy and sensitive than Kimball, but he was such a cute baby, and we loved him dearly.

So, this is a funny picture, but if you know Sammy, you know that he is a funny boy. He took a small chunk out of his nose and had to have a bandaid on it. He wouldn't take the thing off, even for his nap. This is a picture of him right after his nap, bandaid, bedhead, mustache and all.

So my life as a mother went on. If you ask me much about when Sammy was small I'll tell you that I probably don't remember. With two children 15 months apart, it's all kind of a blur. As time went on motherhood got easier. It took me about a year and a half to feel back to normal after having Sammy.

Clark and I knew we would have more children but also knew we needed a break after Sammy. When Sammy was nearly two, we felt it was time to have another child. This was a hard decision to make because pregnancy and post-partum is an extremely emotional challenge for my family and me.


We got pregnant with Addilyn, and while I was about four months along, found out we'd be moving to England for six months. It was all very crazy, but we still felt good about everything. A month or so before leaving for England we found out we were having a girl, and things seemed great. Pregnancy with Addi was not easy, especially after we got to England. Ask anyone who knew me there and they will testify it's true. Addi's delivery wasn't the best, but after she was born I felt different. She was a great baby. We still had our difficult times sleeping and nursing, but for some reason I enjoyed her so much more than I was able to enjoy my boys. Most likely this was because of the boys being so close together. The nice thing is, because I've been so much more relaxed with Addilyn, I feel like I appreciate and enjoy my boys even more. She has changed me. Don't get me wrong. I'm still struggling with the post-partem thing, I still yell at my kids, and I still have my moments of desperation (when I grab for a Dr. Pepper), but I feel like I'm finally starting to enjoy motherhood now.

Look at this precious face. You can see why she has helped change my attitude completely. Addilyn's middle name is Joy, and she has truly brought so much joy into our lives.

If my former principal were to call me again this summer, I would gladly decline this time. In fact, I don't know that I want to go back to teaching for quite some time.

I do love being a mother. It truly is the hardest job in the whole world. After talking to my mom the other day about how worried she was about my brother, I asked her if parenting has gotten easier now that all her children are grown and out of the house. She said no. That didn't make me very excited. I guess we'll always worry about our children or grand-children, no matter what stage of life they're in.


There are many times (more often than not), when I don't feel like I am patient, loving, and selfless enough to be a mom. But when I take a moment to just stare at my beautiful children, I feel grateful that they were given to me to teach and to take care of.


I'm grateful for a mother-in-law who is so loving and caring for her family. She loves my children so much and they adore her. She loves to be involved in our lives, but would never over-step any boundaries. She's great at giving suggestions, but is not offended when her suggestions aren't used. She loves to laugh and play. She has done a wonderful job raising a man that I have fallen deeply in love with. She has raised him to treat me with nothing but love and respect. He is the best thing that has happened to me. Thank you Beckie, I love you!

Not the best picure of my mom and me, both having just gotten up in the morning, but it shows who we really are! Dont' be mad Mom.

I'm also grateful for my mother who has done so much for me. For those of you who know my mom, you know that she would do anything for her children, including, travel half-way across the world to be with them during child birth. My mother is so much fun to be around. We love to shop, to watch shows, to talk about life, to eat out together, to discuss the Gospel, to plan projects, and to partner up at hand-and-foot. You would never be able to tell that she has Multiple Sclerosis. She doesn't like to talk about it, because she doesn't want people to think that she may need help. But she has gotten better about sharing things about her health with her children, and for that I am grateful. My children love their Grandma Nancy, and they know that she loves them. She has taught me well, and I believe I am a lot like her in so many ways. I love you Mom!