Gone are the Creative Juices
For days now I've been wanting to post something new, but just haven't been able to think of anything post worthy. I've loved reading about people's Christmas trees and the festivities that go along with this holiday season. I thought I might write something similar, but we haven't done anything for Christmas. We did spend 20 pounds on a very small Christmas tree, but we have yet to decorate it. Would you believe I didn't bring any of my Christmas stuff over here? I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't even bring our Christmas socks. Luckily they have some pretty cheap socks here that I can buy, and our incredible neighbors let us borrow Christmas lights and decorations to put on our tree. I did buy five Christmas tree ornaments (one for each member of the family) from Harrods as souvenirs, so we have those to put on the tree. If the decorations ever get up, I'll take a picture and write a real post about it.
Right now I feel like I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I'm living on a three hour time schedule and my brain is just not functioning. Which is why I've not been able to think of anything to blog about. After a not-so-fun nine month pregnancy, delivering without an epidural (in a foreign country I might add), trying to nurse a tongue-tied baby who will only latch on with a nipple shield and uses all of her energy doing that and then falls asleep after only a few minutes of eating, and running on very little sleep, I no longer have any creative juices left in me. You can probably tell, did what I just wrote make any sense?
Right now my in-laws are here as well as Clark's 14 year old sister. They have been a great help. They've been doing so much with the boys, which allows me to focus on trying to feed Addilyn. My problem is that they leave on Sunday and Clark has got to start seriously working again (he's been doing a lot of work from home). I'm not quite sure how it's all going to work out trying to handle three kids. If it didn't take me an hour to feed Addi, and I didn't have to feed her every three hours, I think I'd have an easier time. I was really hoping to have a successful nursing experience with the third baby, but it just seems my children aren't good nursers. I only nursed Kimball for two months (my good excuse was that I had to go back to teaching and didn't have time to pump during the day, which was true). I nursed Sammy (and supplemented with formula) for seven months, and the only reason I lasted that long was because I hated paying an arm and a leg for formula. My goal with this one was to nurse for six months. Well it's been two and half weeks, and I'm about ready to quit. In fact I would have by now if I didn't feel guilty. I feel like I should, and I actually really want to, but it's just so darn hard. Addi is getting her tongue clipped on Monday, and I'm really hoping that it will help her to nurse better (although it didn't make a difference with my boys). If not, I might slowly start introducing formula. I have been pumping and Clark gives her a bottle in the night (I don't get to sleep though, because I have to pump to replace the bottle). That has been nice, and it is only a 20 minute process as opposed to the normal hour routine.
So that's it. There's the reason I haven't posted much and the main reason I'm not thinking clearly. I guess this post was more of a venting session for me. I hope it made a little sense to those of you who read it. The only other thing I'd like to say is: does anyone have any advice? I'd appreciate any comments that might bring a little relief to our lives.
Right now I feel like I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I'm living on a three hour time schedule and my brain is just not functioning. Which is why I've not been able to think of anything to blog about. After a not-so-fun nine month pregnancy, delivering without an epidural (in a foreign country I might add), trying to nurse a tongue-tied baby who will only latch on with a nipple shield and uses all of her energy doing that and then falls asleep after only a few minutes of eating, and running on very little sleep, I no longer have any creative juices left in me. You can probably tell, did what I just wrote make any sense?
Right now my in-laws are here as well as Clark's 14 year old sister. They have been a great help. They've been doing so much with the boys, which allows me to focus on trying to feed Addilyn. My problem is that they leave on Sunday and Clark has got to start seriously working again (he's been doing a lot of work from home). I'm not quite sure how it's all going to work out trying to handle three kids. If it didn't take me an hour to feed Addi, and I didn't have to feed her every three hours, I think I'd have an easier time. I was really hoping to have a successful nursing experience with the third baby, but it just seems my children aren't good nursers. I only nursed Kimball for two months (my good excuse was that I had to go back to teaching and didn't have time to pump during the day, which was true). I nursed Sammy (and supplemented with formula) for seven months, and the only reason I lasted that long was because I hated paying an arm and a leg for formula. My goal with this one was to nurse for six months. Well it's been two and half weeks, and I'm about ready to quit. In fact I would have by now if I didn't feel guilty. I feel like I should, and I actually really want to, but it's just so darn hard. Addi is getting her tongue clipped on Monday, and I'm really hoping that it will help her to nurse better (although it didn't make a difference with my boys). If not, I might slowly start introducing formula. I have been pumping and Clark gives her a bottle in the night (I don't get to sleep though, because I have to pump to replace the bottle). That has been nice, and it is only a 20 minute process as opposed to the normal hour routine.
So that's it. There's the reason I haven't posted much and the main reason I'm not thinking clearly. I guess this post was more of a venting session for me. I hope it made a little sense to those of you who read it. The only other thing I'd like to say is: does anyone have any advice? I'd appreciate any comments that might bring a little relief to our lives.
Comments
I think you have done so well. Addi is still so tiny and you have been doing so much with your kids and family.
Just get as much rest when you can (don't blog when you could lie down) and know that you will do a great job when family leaves and Clark is back to work. Go on walks, take time for yourself and it will get better!
I love you! You're great!
We'll have to play them at the reunion next year--we'll finally be going!
Just curios--what made the pregnancy so hard this time?
I am sorry for your frustrations. I have no idea what it's like to have 3 kids, but from friends and family, I have been told that the 3rd child can throw you in a loop. And to be away from "HOME", I am sure makes it that much harder. I think that you shouldn't feel the least bit guilty about going to formula, but I know from others, that it's a hard thing. Know you have our support and love!
We can hardly wait for you to return to your home land. :)
We love you!
Addilyn got her tongue clipped yesterday morning. All went well. The health visitor came to our house yesterday afternoon and Addi is back up to birthweight plus 6 ounces. We feel really good about that. The health visitor recommended deciding if I really want to nurse and sticking with it for 24-48 hours. Now that her tongue is clipped, there are no excuses for her latching on wrong, so we just need to perservere (sp?). That's what I've decided to do. I'm only going to nurse her for the next day or so and see how she and I both do. If it is still really frustrating, I'll supplement. So I've nursed her five times since then and I've noticed a difference. It's still pretty frustrating, but she's at least latched on to both sides, everytime on the right side. It's not always the best latch, but we're working on it. I think her poor little tongue is still a little sore. Thanks again for your support. It helps to hear how other people see the situation. I love you all. I'll let you know how things are going in a couple of days.
I understand how frustrating nursing can be. In my opinion nursing has been much harder than a nine-month pregnancy and an umpteen hour labor ever was. After several infections and hospital visits my eyes were opened and I completely understand now why women give up on breast-feeding. It can be so so frustrating.
I don't have any advice because I know what a wonderful mother you are. You obviously know what's best for your children. I just wanted you to know that I understans. I will be thinking about you today and will say an extra little prayer that the Lord will help you through this.